Flame
by silent raining
Summary: The flame of a heart is always the hardest to keep. Oneshot


**Diclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **

**Hi! My first story - yes, it's rather crappy. o.o" **

* * *

Kakashi had always had a bright flame in his heart. It had been created out of his innocence, his childish innocence...

He wouldn't know it until much later, but every crackle- pop- burn- smoke- represented something that he held dear to him.

It flared every time his father smiled at him, told him that he was proud of him – proud to be his father.

Kakashi was proud that he had the White Fang as a father, too. Even if it was slightly daunting to live up to such a great reputation… He wasn't afraid. As long as his father was going to be there for him.

_Crackle, pop, burn, smoke... _went the flame in his little heart.

Everything was well, he was doing alright at the Academy, and his father loved him.

It wasn't even a special day of any significance when he went home to find blood splattered along the walls of his father's room, nearly slipping on the crimson liquid as he peeked behind the door. The sight didn't match, his father's body – _too still, not breathing_ – crumpled on the floor, eyes open in agony and _death_. It just wasn't right.

_F-father? No… No!_

_How was I such a bad son? _

His heart thudded, beating with the flame of his little heart.

And then there was nothing left _of that beautiful flame that spoke of life_ but smoking remains of blackened coals, the bright fire smothered quietly. And from then on, the little boy could not look at his face. The mask helped to hide his father's features every time he glanced in the mirror.

_Drifting ash. Cold coals. Nothing. _

But then… he was put on a team. A genin team, with a hopeless Uchiha that couldn't even activate his Sharingan and a weak girl who seemed too gentle for combat. Not to mention his good-natured, moral sensei.

He was appalled and disappointed, to say the least. Was this how his training paid off?

_Why can't I just train by myself or just have a personal sensei?_ He complained to the Sandaime. _This is useless to me! _

The old Sandaime just replied with a knowing glint in his eye. Kakashi hated it when someone else knew something that he didn't. Nothing changed, and Kakashi stayed with his team and refused to cooperate.

He didn't know it, but slowly… something changed. They were _his_ team, people that he would protect with _his_ life. (After the mission, of course.)

That little flame _do you remember me, Kakashi?_ nervously flickered into existence once again. It was smaller than the first time, but it still glowed brightly.

_Pop, burn, smoke... _

_What is wrong with my life?_ Kakashi screamed mentally as he stared at the half-crushed body of his friend, no – _best_ friend. Eyes wide in disbelief that it couldn't be happening, just like his father leaving him all over again – face pale and feeble, smiling even though he was dying… Kakashi let out a hysterical laugh at the irony - _Only a nonexistant miracle could save Obito - _mixed with his choked sobs of desperation. _  
_

The strong gust of wind _Obito was dead deaddeaddeadforeverandever_ nearly blew the revived flame out, but Kakashi pulled himself together.

Kakashi refused to stand by, useless, as his friends died. He promised to himself that he would protect them both – Sensei and Rin.

Months flew by, and suddenly he was staring into Rin's pain-filled brown eyes as she begged him to kill her. He needed more time to make the decision, it was too soon – this wasn't supposed to happen, but the other nins were closing in and she had important information – she was running out of time, he was running out of time, _they were all running out of time._

His arm made a sickening sound as it plunged into her chest, and he almost gagged. Rin's eyes softened in gratitude as she gently touched his face _wiping his tears_ away before she hung limply off his limb and dropped to the ground.

He collapsed beside her, his tears_ when was the last time I cried?_ landing on her body and mixing with the rain. _I killed her... _

Sensei was too forgiving. He should have been punished, he wanted to be punished. Maybe then, Obito would have forgiven him… but no matter what he did, his lone Sharingan eye continued to shed tears every time he thought of Rin.

It was truly Obito's eye.

_Burn, smoke... _

The flame was barely a burning ember, but still barely shining for Sensei and his new wife Kushina. They treated him well and he wondered if that was what if felt like to have parents and a real home to return to.

Wondered if he could be part of their family. _Filled with warm fireplaces and smiles and laughter-_

The roar of the Kyuubi cut into his hopeful dreams, and once again he watched helplessly as they both sacrificed their lives to protect their only son.

Even after the village was repaired and the citizens settled, Kakashi would never feel whole again.

His flame was gone, suffocated by despair and sorrow.

_Smoke... Ash. _

And Kakashi faced it: he was born to be a mindless killing machine with a stone heart… because that was the only thing he could do to forget.

Forget that he ever had a burning flame _fire_ in his heart.

(_Crackle, pop, burn, smoke... )_

* * *

And as Kakashi constantly threw himself into ANBU missions and locked all his emotions away, everyone who cared for him _Gai, Asuma, the Sandaime..._ could only watch on helplessly. Kakashi was merely a shadow of his old self... he had donned a new mask to hide his soul.

_Kakashi_, they thought. _What can we do to help you become yourself again? _

_Light the fire, the flame that no longer remembers. _

As the Sandaime assigned new genin teams, he desperately hoped that it would help him remember. Remember what it was to be _alive_ again.

_Kakashi, I would do anything..._

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**Dedicated to my dear friend Jan...**

**I'm waiting for the day that the flame in your heart comes back. I'll never stop hoping... I would do anything. **

**Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope you have a nice day :D**

**silent raining~ **


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